Sex in the Forbidden Zone

Sex in the Forbidden Zone is the title of a book by Dr. Peter Rutter. The basic concept behind it is that it is not uncommon for people in power—doctors, lawyers, professors, therapists, ministers, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc.—to abuse their position of perceived power by having sex with their patients, clients, parishioners, etc.

Like it or not, when you are in a position of power, or are perceived to have power, there are many instances of people who want to tap into that power. They feel that by having sex with you they can do so. It’s the equivalent of being a rock-n-roll groupie to professionals.

There are some instances where the person in power, without question or consideration, should be aware of this and turn down such advances. For example, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and other mental healers should be aware of the phenomenon known as transference where a patient or client attaches all sorts of personal associations on to you, such as feelings of love. In some cases, such professionals can get so close to patients and clients that they experience the phenomenon of reverse transference and falsely think they are in love with their patient or client. These relationships should be completely stopped by the professional.

Ministers, priests, rabbis, and other religious authorities are often seen as a pathway to salvation and to God, and by having sex with such people you become a bit closer to the Divine. Alternatively, some people may think that having sex with such a person is like having sex—the most intimate of all human experiences—with God. This, too, should be completely stopped by the professional.

With teachers and professors the situation is a bit different. To younger students you may seem like some all-knowing master, and they can tap into your wisdom by having sex with you. Also, there can be a feeling of quid pro quo: If the student has sex with you, you will pass the student or give the student a better grade. Again, this should not be allowed.

If Only It Were That Easy!

It sounds like this is rather clear cut and obvious. But what if a student, patient, or client calmly waits for months or years and then approaches you romantically when they are no longer your student, patient, or client? Is it possible their feelings are genuine and not based on the belief in your supposed power? It is okay to begin a relationship with such a person or is it still taking advantage of him or her?

And what about in the occult world? There have been instances of occult group “leaders” who expect followers to have sex with them. That seems wrong, but is it? If they have any special magickal abilities, can they be passed on through sex? If so, wouldn’t it be the teacher’s responsibility and duty to have sex with his or her followers, thus passing on those abilities?

Long before my book Modern Sex Magick was published, I was teaching classes on the subject. In some classes I’ve had students complain that they “can’t get it right” with their partner. Should the teacher of such classes have sex with students to help the students understand the practice? Should the teacher be there with a student and that student’s partner to advise them as they are attempting spiritual sex practices?

What about Tantra? Should a Tantric teacher have sex with followers? If teaching Tantric sexuality, it seems like that should be okay, but is it? In certain very traditional Tantric rituals, partners for advanced sexual practices are chosen by random. Should the teacher or head of the ritual group be a part of this, or should that teacher only be an observer? Or should that teacher not be allowed to observe at all?

Certainly having sex with a teacher or leader should not be the only requirement to advance in an occult order. But what if it is just one of the requirements and that the student is aware of this long in advance? In some very traditional Wiccan paths, after going through years of training your advancement to the highest degree includes a ritual that involves performing the Great Rite, a type of ritual sex, with the High Priest or High Priestess. Is this okay?

Sex ≠ Love

One of the challenges in answering this question is that most people in Western cultures equate sex with love. Among certain religions you are only allowed to have sex with the person you love and to whom you are married. Many people who are not part of such religions feel that sex is okay with a person if you love that person. Well, at least if you like that person.

For magick, sex is a tool for raising and directing magickal energy. It’s like a wand or athamé or cauldron. You don’t have to love those tools to use them, why should you have to love a person in order to perform spiritualized sex with him or her?

Here’s What I Think

I haven’t made any suggestions as to what you should or should not do, what you should or should not accept. I do suggest that because sex is so personal and important, you should go into each sexual encounter with a full understanding of the reasons and techniques of the sexual magick that will be practiced. I also suggest the following:

1. No one should ever be put into a situation where they feel they must have sex because of force of any kind or intimidation, including, “Well, if you understood the spirituality you would…”
2. If a group practices sex magick this should be fully discussed with a potential member before he or she joins.
3. Members of a group that practices sex magick or sacred sexuality should not be “pushed through the grades” because of their appearance, willingness to have sex, etc. Each person should know, in advance, what is required to move from one degree to another and every member should fulfill all requirements to advance.
4. The use of intimidation toward another member should result in probation or expulsion.

What Do YOU Think?

• Is sex in the “forbidden zone” ever okay?
• When do you think the use of sex in ritual is not okay?
• Would you ever have sex with a person you think of as having some sort of power, including your teacher, doctor, therapist, etc.?
• Have you ever had sexual relationship with such a person? How do you feel about the experience now?
• Would you join a group focused on Tantric sexuality or sex magick?