Why You Should Stop “Trying” Right Now: How to Shift Your Fertility Energy

Readers, please enjoy this guest blog post by A’ndrea Reiter, author of the new How to Get Pregnant, Even When You’ve Tried Everything.

There are many nuances to the Law of Attraction, and many ways to apply it in our every day lives—including fertility. According to the Law of Attraction, like energy attracts like energy. So whatever thoughts or beliefs we are sending out, the Universe HAS to respond with a situation that is an energetic match to it. Every time.

So many times we think we are “being positive,” but we’re actually not. Phrases like “I need to be a mother,” or “This IVF cycle HAS to work,” or “I’m ovulating today, let’s make sure we have sex today,” might sound positive on paper, but energetically it’s a different story. Here’s the problem: The Universe doesn’t care what you SAY, it hears the energy behind it, and THAT’S the energy it sends back to you.

So, going back to the thoughts I mentioned:

• “I need to be a mom:” Whenever we “need” something, that means we are scared to death it won’t happen. The Universe hears the desperation and lack, and that we feel it won’t happen, so it brings more of it “not happening.” Instead consider: “It’s going to be so awesome when I’m a mom. I’ve got so much to offer our future little one!”
• “This IVF/IUI cycle HAS to work:” That may seem like it’s positive, but what the Universe really hears is “If this IVF cycle doesn’t work I don’t know what I’m going to do.” It hears the fear that my life is going to unravel if this doesn’t work—and therefore calls in that very situation. Instead consider: “I’m so ready to be a mom and this IVF/IUI cycle could be the perfect catalyst. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it worked?”
• “I’m ovulating today. Let’s make sure we have sex today:” The Universe hears: “We’ve only got a window of a few hours and we have to both try to not fail or we will miss our only opportunity.” Instead consider: As long as you’re not bleeding you can get pregnant. I’m serious. Some people ovulate twice, some irregularly, and some only the Universe can explain. My client who just got pregnant this month got pregnant a day or two before her period came. Don’t give yourself such strict parameters. Do yourself a favor and plan a date for you partner. Have them plan one for you. Reconnect. Trust that the baby is coming and just BE with your partner.

The same thing that happens with those thoughts happens when we say, “We’re trying to get pregnant.” It’s such a common phrase in our vernacular; we don’t really give it a second thought. And after all, we’re taught from a young age that the harder you try, the more “worth it” your reward is, or the better off you are. But according to the Law of Attraction where like attracts like, the harder you try…the harder you try. So on an energetic level when you say, “We’re trying,” or “We’ve been trying for a year,” we are literally bringing more trying—more reasons why it’s hard. Don’t get me wrong—if your experience has been hard up until this point, it’s valid. Honor it. And I feel for you. But now that you know using that phrase is perpetuating the energy, how might you re-frame it so that you’re calling in the energy you want? Some suggestions from the contest I had with my subscribers were:

• We are creating space in our lives to start building a family
• We are intentionally and lovingly moving toward expanding our family
• We are making space for a munchkin to come in
• We are ready for her/him to come in when they’re ready
• We’re setting our intentions on bringing our little one in
• I’m nourishing myself and making a cozy environment for my munchkin to come in

See if you can use one of these, or better yet, make one of your own that is moving toward the goal you want, versus keeping you in the energetic loop of “trying.” It may sound like an annoying technicality, but it can make all the difference. Where you put your energy matters. Make sure you’re choosing what feels good, versus what scares you.

Our thanks to A’ndrea for her guest post! For more from A’ndrea Reiter, read her article “When Our Fight-or-Flight Response Hinders Our Fertility.”