Defining Moments After Loss

Readers, please enjoy this guest blog post by Ann J. Clark, author of the new Healing from Great Loss.

Losing a loved one is one of life’s most difficult experiences. I lost my daughter, my only child, unexpectedly several years ago. I call this kind of loss “great loss,” because it hurts so much worse and is so much harder to move beyond than other losses that we may have experienced. Such a great loss is life-changing, but what that change turns out to be is up to us. One of the keys to creating a positive future after great loss can be found in defining moments.

Defining moments spell out who we choose to be after we have lost someone or something that gives meaning to our lives and makes them worth living. While some defining moments are big ones, such as choosing a career or getting married, it is the little ones that tend to be more important after loss. These are not big events, but small, insignificant ones that define us and set the direction for the rest of our life. The choices we make in these moments accumulate and point us in a certain direction, even though they may seem of no importance at the time.

I found that even after two years, though it looked like things in my life had returned to normal, I felt dead inside, and all the joy was gone from my life. We cannot stay in this state for too long and come to a point where we must choose how to live the rest of our life. This is a sign that defining moments are on their way.

We may not know exactly when defining moments will come, but we do know they are coming, and we can prepare for them. There is no warning before defining moments appear and we may not be aware that they have occurred until we are further down the road. When they do come, however, we will make a choice that will have consequences. We will either choose to move forward with our life in a positive direction or move backward by making a choice that is not in our best self-interest.

The best way to prepare for a positive choice during these defining moments is to set an intention to create a joyful and fulfilling life after the loss. This intention should be reinforced and followed up by visualizing what you would like your life to be like in the future.

I practiced this daily for several of months, making notes in my journal and picturing a happy future. When we engage in this practice, we set the stage for making a choice that is in alignment with this vision when seemingly unimportant defining moments come along and that will carry us toward our desired outcome. This practice worked well for me, and it can work for you too. My best wishes are with you.

Our thanks to Ann for her guest post! For more from Ann J. Clark, read her article “8 Signs that Your Recently Departed Loved One Is Near.”