Preparing for Holiday time with the 10 of Cups
Your Tarot Toolkit: Simple Activities for Your Daily Practice by Ru-Lee Story
Pulling a card each day is a favorite tarot activity, for both novices and experienced readers alike. Newcomers are sometimes overwhelmed with all the options available within this simple practice and would like guidance. Long-time practitioner’s often welcome new ideas to keep their practice fresh. Ru-Lee satisfies both these desires.
For each card in the deck Ru-Lee provides simple yet powerful affirmations, areas of reflection, and activities. The book is inclusive in language, but also inclusive in recognizing that people have different levels of ability physically, mentally, and emotionally. This quality is reflected particularly well in the activities. There are two for each card, each created for various abilities. If you love journaling, the reflections will give you plenty of inspiration. As we approach the season of many holidays, it seems like a great time to reflect on the 10 of Cups.
TEN OF CUPS
With our wishes fulfilled in the Nine of Cups, we want nothing more than to share our successes and joys with our loved ones. And here we come to the peak of the Cups’ journey: having embraced and integrated our feelings (the dark along with the light), we can come to rest within the comfort of our family, our community, our tribe. There is a profound contentment in the Ten of Cups; it makes me think of family movie nights snuggled together on the couch, of standing coffee dates with our dearest friends, of spiritual communities that feel like Home the second you walk across the threshold.
When this card comes up in a daily drawing, take it as an invitation to spend some quality time with your people—the ones who recharge your spiritual and emotional batteries, whoever that might be. If you’re unfortunately not living with people who fit this category for you at the moment, do whatever you can to connect with the people who do. Set up a Skype call with your college roommates, plan a family dinner or brunch, take your kids to the park and play hide and seek with them. The relationships where we can be 100% genuine, the people and activities that nourish our souls—those are the pieces of your life that the Ten of Cups points to insistently.
What actions can I take to be more understanding?
The people you love may not always be able to understand you, but the people who you count among your tribe are always willing to try. For instance, I can’t stand the taste of onions. My spouse, a consummate foodie, puts onion powder in everything they cook themself. They probably can’t understand how anyone could not like onions. And yet, when they make dinner for both of us, they’re always happy to make a separate onion-free helping for me.
How might you spend more effort or energy on at least trying to understand your loved ones? Do they have hobbies or passions that are entirely unappealing to you? Do they have friends that you, for whatever reason, don’t get along with? How might you better support them, even in the things that you don’t have in common?
How do I define my family?
When I use the word “family,” I am not necessarily referring to the people who are biologically related to you. Perhaps you are lucky enough to have biological family members that you’re close with—if so, that’s wonderful. But you may feel a stronger kinship to your romantic partners, your deepest friendships, your spiritual community, etc. Your definition of family is for nobody but YOU to determine. I’m fortunate to have close relationships with my mom, brother, and grandparents, but I would also include my spouse and several dear friends as part of my family. Who fits into the category of family for you?
Actions
Reflect on what roles your loved ones play in your life
Effort level: Low to medium
In Western culture, we put a LOT of priority (and pressure) on romantic connections to be the most significant and important in our lives. And I’m not here to try to downplay how wonderful and fulfilling romantic relationships can be! But I think we culturally underestimate how meaningful other types of relationships (like platonic love between siblings, deep friendships, and longtime collaborators) can be. Each of our loved ones brings something unique and needed into our lives. For instance, my dear friend Olivia and I are almost as opposite as two human beings can be. I often tell people that Olivia helps me learn to be more assertive, and I help her learn to be more thoughtful. This has been deeply formative in the moments in my life when I most needed to find my courage. Meanwhile, another dear friend Milo has a personality that is (sometimes absurdly) similar to mine. The closer I’ve gotten to Milo, the better I’ve been able to understand my own anxiety, and the kinder to myself I’ve learned to be. These are two of the people I feel the closest with, and they add wildly different but absolutely cherished elements to my world.
Consider the people who make up your tribe. For the purposes of this exercise, try to let go of the relationship titles that you associate with each of them—spouse, friend, sibling, and so on. Think instead of what each of these people brings to your life. Is one of them especially skilled at making you laugh? Does one always seem to know just what to say when you’re sad? Does one of them just give really great hugs? What new things do you discover about yourself when you’re with each of them—what pieces of your personality do they bring out? How do each of the people in your inner circle enrich your world?
Plan family time
Effort level: Medium to high
No matter what your life is like and who you include in your definition of family, it’s easy to orbit around your loved ones and allow moments of connection to just sort of happen when they happen. And certainly those little unplanned moments—singing a dumb pop song together during the morning commute, for instance, or finding yourself in a spontaneous tickle war—have their own value. But it’s important to also have preplanned, intentional family time. I think this is one reason the family dinner is so sacred to so many people. It’s a part of the day that’s set aside for connecting with your folks.
If you’re lucky enough to live in the same house as several members of your family (and again recall that I don’t only mean blood relatives when I say “family”), a family dinner is a pretty straightforward way to spend some planned time together. My college roommates and I would plan occasional family dinners where we all cooked, ate, and tidied up together; there’s just something about making and sharing a meal that brings you closer. You can also invite folks who don’t live under your roof but still make up part of your inner circle. I know of families who have regular weekend brunches with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and family friends.
All of that said, a family meal is far from the only way to spend some intentional time with your family! Part of this book was written during the COVID-19 pandemic, and boy, did we all have to get creative about ways to connect. I’ve held long-distance game nights with my friends and family. I’ve read a favorite book aloud to my mom and brother over the phone. One of my friends and I started a mini book club for just the two of us. Anything goes. The important part is the planning of an activity that will be fun, engaging, and meaningful for everyone involved (for example, if you have a family member with chronic pain, maybe don’t plan a day of hiking if you want them to feel included). Other than that, the sky’s the limit!
