Readers, please enjoy this guest blog post by Courtney Weber, author of the new Sacred Tears.
After my first miscarriage, I blogged about the loss as a way of being “real” with people in our community, while also trying to de-stigmatize a sad, but natural process. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. A few days later, I received an email with an unsolicited Tarot reading about my loss from someone I barely knew. First of all, I hadn’t wanted a Tarot reading on it. Second, I’m an avid Tarot reader, I know nasty cards when I see them. Although the sender tried to put a positive spin on the reading, their well-intentioned action added a thick layer of gloom to my already painful situation.
Naturally, we want to help our grieving loved ones. Below are a few ways all people can help those in grief, and things to avoid.
Reach out, but not too much.
Grief can make picking up a phone or opening a messenger window feel hard, if not impossible. The onus is on others to reach out to them. Call your grieving loved one. They may not pick up, but seeing your name on the screen lets them know you are there. Texting is a true gift to the grieving process. It’s less invasive and seeing a message like, “Thinking of you” can be comforting.
Don’t say: “Let me know if you need anything.”
This puts more work on the grieving person. Plus, they may not know what they need, and will be unlikely to take you up on your offer. Instead, make suggestions such as: “I’m going to the grocery store. What do you need that I can pick up?” or even, “Are there any annoying people you need me to help keep at bay?”
Don’t take their grief on as your own.
It is hard to see our loved ones suffer, but attempting to grieve with them at the same level does nothing to take away their own pain and may even put them in the position of feeling the need to comfort you. Listen, but let go.
Be careful with clichéd phrases.
Sentiments such as, “Everything happens for a reason” and, “Time heals all wounds,” etc., are well-meant, but they minimize a grieving person’s suffering and easily makes it worse.
Things Witches should not do:
Do not send a grieving person an unsolicited divinatory reading.
Hence, my story above! Such things require consent. If you really want to do a reading for the grieving person, ask their permission first.
Don’t deliver messages from the departed, unless the grieving person has specifically said they want these messages.
I’ll admit it: I’ve been guilty of this. I didn’t realize how painful it was until I was on the receiving end of it. Plus, the “messages” have never been accurate. Many Witches are natural fixers, but by being mindful about certain things, we can help those we love as they grieve.
Our thanks to Courtney for her guest post! For more from Courtney Weber, read her article, “A Ritual for Closure (When Closure Can’t Be Found).”
