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Posted Under Paganism & Witchcraft

Courting Relationships with Spiritual Allies

Pagan Altar

The spiritual path is one of self discovery and exploration. There are times that this path may be smooth and easy, and there are other times that the path is challenging and difficult. The good news is that, no matter how hard the path may become, we aren't walking it alone. We can court relationships with deities, ancestors, and Fae to give support and guidance.

Relationships with entities are just that: relationships. It is important to remember that it is a matter of give and take. You can't call upon any ally over and over again without giving something back. You wouldn't do that to a human, so don't do it to a spiritual entity. The beginning of a relationship with an ally should start with you. It may be that there is an entity with which you've always wanted to work or an entity that has tapped you to work with them. But, you have to be the one to take it to the next level.

You may feel drawn to or called to a spiritual ally because they have an affinity for your energy. Perhaps you are a healer and they are a Goddess of healing. Perhaps you are in the military and they are a warrior spirit. The affinity of energies can be a calling to relationship—like attracting like. However, the exact opposite may also be true. You may find yourself called to an ally that has a very different energy than you. Perhaps you are very serious and work too much and you find yourself called to a Godd* (I use this spellling to denote a more gender-full option for deity) of revelry and play. Perhaps you need a little tough love and you find yourself drawn to a spirit that is no nonsense.

It doesn't matter how the interest starts; the first step is homework.

The following steps are my tried-and-true method for connecting with a new spirit with which I have no previous relationship. These steps don't need to be done in a specific order, but I do encourage research to be an early step and one that is done over and over again.

Research: Read all the myths and stories that you can about any spirit with which you want to work. And in reading, understand that what you discover will only be a small part of the story. Myth only gives you so much information, and not all of it may be accurate. It's important to also look at the culture from which your entity originated. How and why did they come into existence? How did people work with them historically? Are they being worshipped in their place of origin? How might their modern worship be different from the historical worship? These are all important clues to the energy of the entity.

Affiliations: Learn the signs and symbols that have been connected with the spirit with which you seek relationship, both from an historical perspective and also from a modern perspective. Historical affiliations will only give you one piece of the puzzle; modern affiliations are just as valid and important in getting to know a new spiritual being.

Intention: Create an intention. Why are you seeking out this spirit and what do you hope the connection will bring? Be clear with your reasons. Tell the entity your reasons right at the beginning. Be honest and speak from your heart. Don't worry about "doing it right"—just do it with integrity.

Other Ally Introduction: Are there allies with which you already work that may be able to help you connect with this new spirit? Many Witches and Pagans work from an astral temple or spiritual place of power where they may easily be able to connect to allies as a means of making introductions. However, don't assume that all spirits know or like each other. It's kinda like when you're from San Francisco and someone from another part of the world meets you and says, "Oh, I have a friend named Sam that lives in San Francisco, do you know them?" It doesn't really work that way, but a Fae being may have more access to other Fae beings than you do.

Once you have started your journey of learning and opening up, there are some specific steps that you can take to deepen the new connection. These steps require your attention and diligence. I always warn folks about giving offerings to Fae beings and then just stopping. If you are opening up to a spirit, giving offerings, and making space for them in your life, and then you just ghost them, that's quite rude. It's rude to ghost a human and it's even worse to do to a spiritual ally. Depending on the spirit, they may not take it well and you may find yourself dealing with a difficult fall out. Treat any entity with reverence and respect.

Here are my five steps for creating connection and deepening relationship with a spiritual ally.

      1. Make Space: With a new ally relationship, the entity you seek to bond with needs to know they have space in your life. This is both literal space and not-so-literal time in your life. Creating an altar for the spirit with which you want to work is the simplest way to open up the door. An altar can be as simple or elaborate as you desire. A bigger, fancier altar does not equate to a better relationship. Your intention and open heart mean so much more than a huge, lavish temple room. An altar can be as simple as an image of the entity and a candle with a place to make offerings.
      2. Commune: As stated above in the first step, you need to make space for your ally. This is done as a way of opening up to communication. Again, an altar is a great place to do this. Make time for communing with this new entity on a daily basis. Show up. Sing, burn incense, leave food or drink, and show this spirit that you are worthy of their time and energy. Express your desire to enter into relationship with them. This could be as simple as talking out loud to them. It may feel weird or silly. Do it anyway.
      3. Be Patient: Opening up to the Otherworlds may be really easy for you. A new ally may come right to you. And, conversely, it might be really challenging. It may be a slow process that unfolds over time. Patience is needed when opening up to a new relationship. This is true for humans as well as other spirits. Allow the relationship to unfold as it does without trying to force it, push it, or getting frustrated when it doesn't happen the way that you want it to.
      4. Pay Attention: Watch for sign or symbols that things are starting to develop. These things may reveal themselves slowly or subtly. Pay attention to your dreams, synchronicity, or seemingly random events, as they may be more than random events. Notice when symbols or signs show up that are connected to the spirit with which you want to engage. Keep a log of notes when and how these signs show up in your life.
      5. Negotiation: Don't take anything at face value. You are allowed to challenge a spirit that shows up to confirm they are who you are attempting to contact. When you feel confident that the entity is who they say they are, you can then ask for a token that will confirm their identity in the future.

Spiritual allies can be a resource for growth, comfort, and guidance as you walk your personal path. They may show up for only a moment or they may become a lifetime connection. Developing relationships with spiritual allies is not that much different from developing relationship with human beings. It takes time, awareness, and respect. Move forward with clarity and an open heart and you will find many rewarding possibilities.

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About Phoenix LeFae

Phoenix LeFae (Sebastopol, CA) is a professional reader, rootworker, teacher, and ritualist. She has been practicing witchcraft for twenty-five years, and her teachings are connected to the Reclaiming Tradition, Druidry, and ...

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