We have all heard it before: "I can't date them, because they are a Gemini." More and more, people are generalizing the sun signs of others before giving them a chance. We have heard time and time again that Trine and Sextile couples are the most desired matches, but are they? Today, many couples are looking for their equal and someone who challenges them to be a better version of themselves. Just because one person wants a companionship that is "easy" does not mean that that is what everyone desires. Some of us prefer to have a partner that ruffles our feathers and acts as a mirror for us to see ourselves for who we truly are—someone who pushes us to reach a higher state of self-actualization.
In my book, Sun Signs in Love, I state that "There is no such thing as a bad match in astrology, and to base that belief on simply looking at sun signs is like judging a book by its cover. You are not destined to fail because you have some more 'difficult' aspects in your synastry. All relationships are difficult, and all relationships have beauty and lessons to be learned. Astrology is meant to be used as a device to assist bringing you and your partner clarity in areas of opportunity and to show the splendor between your unique compatibility."
Astrology acts as a tool for us to better understand our partner through by understanding how your elements blend, your modalities collaborate, and how your love aspect vibes. Through those three mediums is how you get a deeper understanding of how to utilize the effective parts of your relationship and how to strengthen the areas of opportunities. Each relationship and couple are completely unique, being comprised of several variables. Astrology gifts us a way to untangle the knots and allows us to understand our partner on a new level creating space for compassion.
Continuing with this theme, here are four reasons why there are no "bad" matches in astrology.
- Chart Types
There are two types of charts you can use when looking at compatibility—synastry and composite. A composite chart reveals a relationship's astrology by using the midpoints of two birth charts while a synastry chart helps one understand a relationship's compatibility by overlaying two birth charts. Both are great ways to understand the energy of a match, but I personally prefer synastry. I find that synastry charts hold more information and personalization into not only how each of the individuals feel about the relationship, but also how the energy flows between the two. Synastry charts are downright juicy. In my book I quote, "Synastry between all of the planets is crucial to understanding the overall vibration between individuals. Synastry is defined as a way to determine a couple's likely compatibility and dynamics through comparing their natal charts by overlaying them on one another." There is so much complexity and beauty in each synastry chart, and there is always strength and beauty to be found in every single match—making your unique relationship chart the first reason why there is no bad match.
When people are denoting a "bad match" in astrology, they are most likely to be referring to the aspect. The stereotypical "unfavorable" aspects are square, semi-sextile, and quincunx matches. The ones that can go either way are the conjunct (same sign) and opposing signs. However, after conducting hundreds of synastry chart readings and observing astrological relationships for over 20 years, I kindly disagree. It is an astrological fact that when there are too many trines in a chart, things become so easy that the energy becomes lazy. Just as in life, there should be a natural ebb and flow to everything, and of there is too much ebb or too much flow the relationship becomes unbalanced. In Sun Signs in Love, I dive deeply into all seven aspects and how they can meld their energies for harmony. For example, Quincunx couples have quite literally nothing in common astrologically. They do not share an element, a modality, or polarity. However, Aries and Scorpio (a quincunx match) share ruling planet Mars, making their physicality a way for them to connect. There is always a way for the signs to connect through the stars—you just have to find a way to get there. There is beauty, strength, and opportunity in every aspect, even the "good ones," making aspects the second reason why there is no such thing as a bad match.
After the aspect, the element is the next reason people will brush off a potential love match. You will hear things like, "I can't date a water sign; they are just too emotional for me." Most people will say that and then not even realize that they themselves have a stellium in a water sign. Yes, blending some elements can be tricky, but if done correctly makes for magnificent combinations of love. An example of a delicate blend is water and fire. If there is too much water it puts out the flame, too much fire it evaporates the water, but with just the right amount, you find a nice steam. Finding balance between all four of the elements when being combined is another key to a harmonious partnership. Even the trine pairs (same element) must be careful when combining their equivalent element because too much of something is never a good thing. As I note in Sun Signs in Love, "When water meets water, there is no resistance, causing things to flow into a stream of enlightenment. However, too much water can create a flood that drowns all life around." Being conscientious and respectful of the power that each element harnesses is crucial. Furthermore, learning how to successfully blend them makes you an unstoppable combined force, which is why your elements are the third reason why there is no bad match in astrology.
Learning how to communicate with you partner is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things to do in a long-term partnership. However, astrology offers a way to assist in understanding your partner's communication style through the methods of modality. In my book I state, "Modality is defined as a way in which something occurs, is experienced, or is communicated." Traditionally, cardinal signs have a more direct way about their communication, fixed signs are more introverted and methodical, while mutable signs are the mavens of communication and the chatterboxes of the zodiac. Astrology states that square, opposed, and conjunct couples are a more "difficult" love match, yet they share the same modality, making their communication style similar in fashion. Wouldn't you consider that to be a good thing? I certainly do. For example, Gemini and Virgo are square to one another and while their elements may not blend as easily, they are both of mutable modality and share Mercury as their planetary ruler—the planet of communication. Have you ever met a Gemini and Virgo couple? They connect through conversation in the most beautiful fashion. In my Gemini & Virgo chapter of Sun Signs in Love, it says, "Gemini enjoys how the virgin charms them by firing up their mind in such fascinating conversation. They banter like two evenly talented opponents in a heated tennis match—with a new winner every time." This makes modality the fourth and final reason why there is no such thing as a bad match in astrology.
If you are wanting further insight into what makes your astrological love match wonderful and special, I encourage you to grab a copy of Sun Signs in Love for a deeper dive into all of the magic that synastry has to offer. As I say in the book, "The intent and takeaways of [Sun Signs in Love] are to find seeds of wisdom to make your love stronger, to understand yourself and your partner on a deeper level…" I hope that is what you find—a way to create more compassion and understanding for your partner. Because let's face it: relationships are hard. No matter where you are in your love story, finding love and obtaining it is always a challenge. However, if used in a constructive and positive manner, astrology is here to make love a little easier.